Your child’s first four years, one stage at a time

Most of it is recommended (Sunnah), and circumcision for boys is wajib. In the first days, share the glad tidings, call the adhan in the baby’s right ear and the iqama in the left (Abu Dawud 5105, Tirmidhi 1514; the report of Abu Rafi’ is graded hasan by some and weak by others, and the practice is still counted recommended), then do tahnik with a chewed date (Bukhari 5467, Muslim 2145). Choose a good name from the day of birth up to day 7. On day 7, shave the head, give the hair’s weight in silver as charity and offer the aqiqah (Abu Dawud 2838, Tirmidhi 1519). Circumcision is best done in the first days, by a qualified doctor (Bukhari 5889, Muslim 257).

See the Sunnah of birth, step by step

Tahnik is softening a date and rubbing a little of it on the roof of a newborn’s mouth, then making dua that the baby be blessed. Abu Musa said a son was born to him and he took him to the Prophet ﷺ, who named him Ibrahim, did tahnik with a date, asked Allah to bless him and handed him back (Sahih al-Bukhari 5467, and Sahih Muslim 2145).

It is recommended, not required, and it is usually done in the first hours after birth. Chew the date soft first and use only a small amount.

The whole first week, step by step

On day 7 after birth, counting the day of birth as day 1. Offer two sheep for a boy and one sheep for a girl (Abu Dawud 2838, Tirmidhi 1513). If day 7 is missed, do it on day 14, then day 21, and after that on any day. Sheep are best. A goat, cow or camel must meet the same minimum age as the Eid sacrifice. Eat some of the meat, give some as gifts and give some as charity.

Aqiqah explained: ages, meat and who offers it

Nifas lasts 40 days at most, and there is no minimum. It ends when the bleeding stops, even before day 40. While it lasts you don’t pray or fast, and there is no intercourse (other closeness is fine). When it ends, do ghusl and go back to your prayers.

Make up missed fasts later, but not missed prayers. Bleeding after 40 days is treated as istihadah: you pray and fast, making wudu for each prayer. If your situation is unusual, ask a trusted scholar.

Your recovery after birth

The Qur’an gives two years as the full nursing period for those who wish to complete it (Qur’an 2:233). Feed on demand from birth, for as long as your baby wants. Milk is the main food until about six months, when the WHO, the NHS and the American Academy of Pediatrics advise starting solids (never before four months). Keep nursing alongside first foods, then wean gradually by two years.

Feeding your newborn

At about six months, and not before four. Readiness matters more than the calendar, so look for several signs together: your baby holds their head up steadily, sits upright with a little help, watches your food and reaches for it, and no longer pushes food out with the tongue.

Start with a smooth grain, add one new food at a time, and leave out honey, sugar, salt, spices and whole nuts. Common allergens such as egg, wheat and peanut (as smooth peanut butter, never whole) go in from about six months too, one at a time, not held back until later.

Starting solids, step by step

Most newborns sleep 14 to 17 hours a day in short stretches, waking every 3 to 4 hours to feed. Night and day only start to make sense at about 2 months. Lay your baby on their back in their own cot or bassinet, in your room for at least the first six months, on a firm, flat mattress with no pillows, heavy blankets or toys.

Crying for about 2 hours a day is average in the first three months. If it goes over 3 hours a day, speak to your doctor.

Sleep and crying, explained

A temperature of 38°C or higher is a fever. In a baby under 3 months, call a doctor straight away. Dress your baby in light cotton, keep the room cool and offer plenty of fluids or feeds. Ask a doctor or pharmacist whether medicine is suitable for your baby’s age, and for the right dose. Never give aspirin to a child. Most health services no longer advise cooling baths or sponging.

Fever, heat rash and daily care

Most babies sit alone, crawl and pull themselves up between 7 and 12 months, and some take their first steps by the end of that year. From 1 to 2 years they walk and run, with about 6 words at 15 months, 10 at 18 months and 20 to 50 by 24 months. Every baby grows at their own pace, so have weight and length recorded at each check-up instead of comparing.

Milestones from 7 to 12 months · Milestones from 1 to 2 years

Sit on the floor and look at each room from your baby’s eye level, then move whatever they can reach. Cleaning liquids, matches, plastic bags and sharp things go on a high shelf. Push pans and utensils to the back of the counter, take off any tablecloth they can pull, and keep hot drinks well away.

Fix heavy furniture so it cannot be pulled over. Keep the bathroom door shut and the toilet lid closed, empty the bath and every bucket straight away, and never leave a small child alone in water, not even for a second.

Room by room safety, plus first aid

Feeling low, tearful or overwhelmed in the first days is common. If low mood or anxiety lasts longer than two weeks, or you can’t cope, talk to your doctor or midwife. Do so straight away if you feel hopeless or panicky, or have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby. Postnatal depression is an illness, and it is treatable. It is not weak faith, and it is not your fault.

What helps, and what dads can do · Mental health guide

With open affection. He kissed his grandson al-Hasan, and when al-Aqra’ said he had ten children and had never kissed any of them, he answered: “Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully” (Sahih al-Bukhari 5997). Whenever his daughter Fatimah came in, he stood up for her, kissed her and sat her in his own place (Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 3872, Sahih).

He also told a father who had given one son a gift to take it back, so his children were treated fairly (Sahih Muslim 1623).

How the Prophet ﷺ treated his children, with practical advice

The Prophet ﷺ used to seek protection for his grandsons al-Hasan and al-Husayn with these words (Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 2060, Sahih, narrated by Ibn Abbas):

أُعِيذُكُمَا بِكَلِمَاتِ اللَّهِ التَّامَّةِ مِنْ كُلِّ شَيْطَانٍ وَهَامَّةٍ وَمِنْ كُلِّ عَيْنٍ لاَمَّةٍ

U’idhukuma bikalimatillahi-tammati, min kulli shaitanin wa hammatin, wa min kulli ‘ainin lammah.

Meaning: “I seek refuge for the two of you in the Perfect Words of Allah, from every devil and every poisonous pest, and from every harmful eye.” For one child, say u’idhuka (a boy) or u’idhuki (a girl).

More on this dua and how the Prophet ﷺ treated his children · More duas for children