What causes cavities
- Lots of sugar, especially processed sugar.
- Fizzy drinks.
- Cookies, chocolate and sticky sweets.
- A diet low in iron, calcium and phosphorus.
- Food left between the teeth because they aren’t cleaned.
1 to 2 years
Toddler years: walking, talking and testing limits
Your child walks, chatters, says no, and wants to do everything alone. This is the stage for weaning, first manners, toilet training, and a lot of patience.
Eating with the family
By about nine months your child has got used to most foods, and from around ten months they are ready to eat with the family. Serve their portion first, before the salt, sugar and spices go in, and put it in a separate dish. Then season the rest for the grown-ups.
When to stop breastfeeding
Mothers may breastfeed their children two complete years for whoever wishes to complete the nursing [period].
Many mothers stop around six months, but the Qur’an describes two full years for those who wish to complete it. A gentle plan is to start preparing at the beginning of the second half of the second year, and to finish by the end of the second year. Do it gradually and slowly.
- FirstDrop the mid-morning feed
Give a cup of water instead.
- LaterDrop the lunchtime feed
Replace it with a solid meal.
- After 3 daysDrop the evening feed
Offer fresh fruit and water.
- LastThe odd remaining feeds
Distract your child when they come to you. Ask your husband to take them out to play. After a few days you are done.
Looking after milk teeth
How to protect them
- Watch for hidden sugars, including the sugar in dried fruit.
- Sugar does less harm with a meal, because fats protect the teeth and saliva washes sugar away.
- Steer away from sticky sweets such as toffee and caramel, and from raisins. They keep sugar on the teeth longer.
- Choose milk instead of fizzy drinks.
- See a dentist regularly.
Crib to bed
Move your child to a bed when they can climb out of the crib, which risks a fall, or when the crib is starting to annoy them. This usually happens around two years or a bit later. Let them help choose the bed and sheets. The first months can be bumpy, with visits to your room, so be patient.
Will loving my child too much spoil them?
Pampering happens in two stages, and the rules differ.
The first months
You cannot spoil a young baby. If they cry a lot or won’t settle, pick them up, walk with them, cuddle them. They may be feeling pain, colic or tension, and being held gives them a sense of safety in the world.
From 6 to 9 months on
Now you may have to say no, when it is in your child’s interest. A mother who can’t bear half a minute of crying and carries her child all day will find housework impossible. The same goes for sweets and chips on demand.
- Agree between you. If one parent allows what the other refuses, the child learns to play one against the other and gets confused. Parents need one approach.
- Be consistent. Swinging between strict and soft confuses children.
- Too much strictness backfires. A parent who shouts, hits and calls a child names makes them feel unsafe, and can raise a child who resents all authority.
Common problems, and what helps
Aggression: hitting, biting, lashing out
Why it happens
- Copying what they see at home.
- Arguments between parents.
- Violent TV or games.
- Favouring one child over another.
- Being spoiled, then hearing no.
- Threats and hitting at home.
What helps
- Tell them clearly the behaviour is not acceptable.
- Don’t hit or shout, but don’t be too soft either.
- Don’t reward it. A five-minute time out, or ignoring, works better than punishment.
- Teach the difference between their things and other people’s.
- Channel the energy: running, sport, play.
- Check what they watch, and keep family arguments away from them.
Stubbornness
Some stubbornness in every child is normal. It only worries when it becomes their way of life.
Why it happens
- Parents always refusing their wishes.
- Mistaking it for a strong character, which rewards it.
- Tension between parents.
- Forcing how they eat, dress or behave.
- Too much pampering.
What helps
- Don’t meet stubbornness with stubbornness. Talk and try to persuade.
- Say yes to reasonable requests, so they say yes to yours.
- Ignore small things and skip the argument.
- Praise them when they cooperate.
- Allow mild, polite disagreement.
Fears
Fear is normal, and children fear things adults find harmless. See a psychologist if it becomes excessive (a phobia).
Why it happens
- A frightening event, such as an accident or a dog nearby.
- Seeing you afraid of something.
- Arguments at home, and scary programmes.
- Constant criticism and harsh demands.
- Threats: “the cat will eat you”, “I’ll smack you”.
- Jokes taken literally.
What helps
- Make them feel safe. Work out what scares them and ease it gently, for example with a toy mouse if mice scare them.
- Never laugh at a fear. Reassure calmly and don’t fuss too much.
- Stay calm about your own fears.
- Let them talk about what bothers them.
- Read stories about brave children, without frightening them.
Jealousy, especially of a new baby
Jealousy is a normal childish instinct. It shows as clinging, hitting a sibling, asking for a bottle again, or wetting the bed.
Why it happens
- A new baby arrives and the older child feels pushed aside.
- Comparing brothers and sisters.
- Hand-me-downs, when the younger child always gets old things.
- Harsh telling-off when they pick on a younger sibling.
What helps
- Treat children equally, and never compare them, even to encourage.
- Don’t fuss over the newborn in front of the older one.
- Don’t make them feel the baby takes all your time.
- Play cooperative games, like building a block house together, and give equal rewards.
Tantrums (around 16 to 18 months)
Your toddler can be swept away by emotion, with tears and anger they can’t stop. They have only one way to show frustration and can’t send it elsewhere, as you can. Be patient.
Toilet training
Teach it patiently and never by force. There is no set age. It is usually between 18 and 24 months, but some children aren’t ready until 3 or 4.
Is my child ready?
- Upset when the nappy is dirty.
- Stays dry for at least two hours.
- Understands simple instructions: go, come, give me.
- Can take clothes off and put them on.
- Shows signs they need to go: pulling at clothes, squatting, telling you.
- Sits and walks without help.
- Wants to please you.
Step by step
- Get a potty
Small rewards and picture books can help.
- Teach them to tell you
They will tell you after the fact first. Don’t scold or scare them.
- Learn the words
Body parts, urine, faeces.
- Get used to sitting
Even when they don’t need to go, but never force it.
- Watch for signals
Sit them on the potty. If they went in the nappy, tip it into the potty to show the link.
- Move to the toilet
Use both for a while if they refuse the toilet.
- Night training
Only once they are dry all day. Fewer drinks before bed, and a potty by the bed.
Wetting the bed
Most children stay dry at night by two or three. Many still wet the bed at four and even five. See a doctor if it continues after that, or if it starts again after months of dry nights. Deep sleep is not the cause.
Possible causes
Physical: a bladder infection, a small bladder, anaemia, or worms.
Emotional: a new baby, fear of the dark or nightmares, tension between parents, harsh treatment about the wetting, or something scary on a screen.
What helps
- Praise dry nights. Never show you are upset about wet ones.
- Let them drink well in the day, so they learn what a full bladder feels like, and less just before bed.
- Wake them once to use the toilet, without going to extremes.
- Stop siblings teasing. No threats or punishment.
- See a doctor if it continues.
First words
Some children don’t say their first word until their third or fourth year. Here are the main causes and what helps.
Possible causes
- Weak hearing. This is the main one.
- Slow development, or a problem with the tongue or vocal cords.
- Feeling insecure or unloved.
- Being left with carers who speak the mother tongue poorly, or parents too busy to talk.
- Extreme shyness.
What helps
- Have their hearing checked.
- Speak clearly, in short, repeated sentences, close to their face.
- Use words for real things around them, and keep talking all day.
- Listen until they finish. Wait a few seconds for an answer.
- Let them play with other children.
- Never force them to speak or show that you are upset.
- See a specialist if speech is delayed in the second year.
Stuttering
Common between the ages of two and four. It is best dealt with early, and with calm.
- Don’t show you are upset, in words or on your face.
- Don’t correct or ask them to repeat.
- Listen until they finish.
- Encourage them to talk in front of small children first, then older ones.
- Mostly ignore it while you encourage them.
- If it continues, see a speech therapist.
Walking
~12 monthsmost children start to walk
~18 monthsusually walking on their own
2 yearssee a doctor if they still aren’t walking
Why walking may be late
- Family history. The doctor will ask about it first.
- Fear of failing, a preference for crawling, or being carried all day.
- Being overweight.
- Uncomfortable or slippery new shoes. Skip shoes until they walk.
- Illness, a lack of nutrients, or a muscle or nerve condition.
What to do
You don’t need to teach walking. When the muscles, nerves and confidence are ready, you won’t be able to stop them. Give them chances to try, hold their hand, and encourage them to stand while crawling.
Bowed legs
Very common and usually not an illness. The legs normally straighten by themselves within two or three years, often because of how the baby lay in the womb. If it continues, the doctor can tell normal bowing from a problem such as rickets. Rickets comes from too little vitamin D, so the fix is calcium, vitamin D and some safe time in the sunlight.
Clay is soft now
At this age a child is like clay that can be shaped. If manners aren’t taught while they are small, they are far harder to teach later. Teach them by doing it yourself, in front of them.
At the table
The seven basics
- Wash hands
before and after eating.
- Say Bismillah
before and Alhamdulillah after.
- Never insult the food
or show ingratitude for it.
- Eat from what is near you
with the right hand.
- Don’t eat lying down
or leaning back.
- Pray for your host
when you finish.
- Wait for the adults
to start first.
O boy! Mention the Name of Allah and eat with your right hand, and eat of the dish what is nearer to you.
May the fasting break their fast with you, and the pious eat your food, and the angels pray for blessing on you.
The Prophet ﷺ said this to his host after eating.
Greeting with salaam
Teach them
- Greeting with salaam is part of Islam and grows love between people.
- The full greeting: as-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu (peace be upon you, and the mercy of Allah and His blessings).
- Who greets whom: the one riding greets the one walking, the one walking greets the one sitting, a small group greets a large group, and the young greet the old.
- Returning a greeting is required of every Muslim.
- Greet people you know and people you don’t.
You shall not enter Paradise so long as you do not affirm belief, and you will not believe as long as you do not love one another. Should I not direct you to something that, if you do it, you will love one another? Spread the greeting of salaam among yourselves.
The young should greet the old, the passer by should greet the sitting one, and the small group of persons should greet the large group.
Sneezing and yawning
Sneezing
- The one who sneezes says al-hamdu lillah.
- The one who hears says yarhamuk Allah (may Allah have mercy on you).
- The sneezer replies yahdikumu Allahu wa yuslihu balakum (may Allah guide you and put your affairs right).
- Cover the mouth with a hand or handkerchief and keep the noise down.
- Say it up to three times for repeated sneezes. After that, they are unwell.
Yawning
- Try not to yawn if you can.
- If you do, put your hand over your mouth.
- Don’t make a loud noise.
If anyone of you sneezes, he should say ‘Al-Hamdu lillah’, and his brother or companion should say to him, ‘Yarhamuka-llah’. When the latter says it, the former should say, ‘Yahdikumu-llah wa yuslihu balakum’.
The advice to stop after three comes from Sunan Abi Dawud 5034, graded hasan by al-Albani: “Respond three times to your brother when he sneezes, and if he sneezes more often, he has a cold in his head.”
Month by month
- Body
- Walks without help, but isn’t steady yet.
- Climbs stairs on hands and knees.
- Builds a small tower of blocks, turns pages, tries the door handle.
- Growth slows down compared with the first year.
- Talk
- About six words by the end of month 15. Understands “take”, “come”, “go”, knows body parts, and imitates.
- Connect
- Curious about everything. Tries things to see what happens. May hold a spoon and scribble. Recognises themself in the mirror at 15 months and says “no” often.
- Body
- Steadier, and can run and jump with both feet.
- Squats easily, shows a hand preference, holds a pen and scribbles.
- Loves emptying drawers.
- Talk
- About ten words, understands many more, and forms two-word sentences. Uses gestures for “above” and “below”.
- Connect
- Tantrums, picky eating, moods, and a little jealousy or stubbornness. Less afraid of strangers. Sorts toys by colour or shape, solves simple problems, and loves dolls and running after a ball.
- Body
- Kicks a ball and runs after it. Better balance and stairs.
- Steady gains in height and weight.
- Moves to music with the whole body.
- Talk
- 20 to 50 words. “What is that?” is the favourite question. Answers simple questions.
- Connect
- Copies grown-ups of both sexes. Laughs at silly mistakes. Wants all the attention. May help tidy, wash hands and brush teeth with a little help. Feels for others, and is upset by an argument between parents.
Good to know
- By their first birthday, most babies have roughly tripled their birth weight and grown about 25 cm. Between the first and second birthdays, growth slows down.
- Around 5 to 10% of children are left-handed, and about 20% use both hands well. It is genetic.
- Toddlers explore their own bodies. If your child does it in front of people, don’t overreact. Calmly explain that these parts are private.
How to respond
- Put a washable mat under the high chair and let them choose from healthy foods.
- Respect their choices and skip small battles. Explain that safety is not up for discussion.
- Give them small chores to feel capable: tidying, washing hands.
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